From depths of sleep heard your voice
drifting through my dream. Do not recall
how it came about that I was crouching over
the telephone listening to your words in the dark
.
Disoriented from lack of presence or eyes to read,
guided solely by the tone of your voice. But as
the inference of your speech began to seep in,
I respond with irony at first and then in a feline hiss
spat out my rage and leapt away from instrument.
I continued though to hear you still talking from
the dangling receiver, our contact now broken.
As the poignancy of the call lingered on for days
I savoured it like blood one absently tastes
from an unexpected wound.
Antonia Baranov
Very powerful and I love the last two lines.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty this does not read like poetry at all, not even free verse, but what it is , is a little hard diamond of prose. It is vivid, and the last five lines especially sharp . I like.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's prose with a poem hiding within to be excavated by cutting what isn't necessary x
ReplyDeleteI like it's feel of increasing sharpness as read progresses with crescendo in last two lines. I'm not sure if making it rhyme more will help retain its sharpness which is soul of this work.
ReplyDeletePowerful with great feeling, I love this
ReplyDeleteA very sensitive write through which tender sadness prevails & transcends through write to settle in psyche.Lovey indeed :)
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